Sharing some real Life happenings / experiences …….. 10.. (Role of Parents in upbringing of a child)

In my point of view, a human is developed by the contribution of many things which include his own habits with which he / she was born, training and upbringing by parents and siblings, habits of his / her friends, atmosphere of home and school as well as of neighborhood, town / city etc. But the most important are the parents with whom a child spends about half of his / her life and the the training they provide results in shaping of his / her personality / attitude / responce towards daily life matters.

I am lucky enough like the other guys in the world that i got the best parents. Though i lost my father at the age of 24 (MashaAllah mother is still alive) but those 24 years were the best with him. In the culture of my country, male child especially the elder one or the only one is always been pampered by parents and which destroys his habits and become too harmful for rest of his life. Whereas, i m also a only male child of my house but my parents never let me cross the discipline line which are required for upbringing of any child. They kept their check and balance over me even it was in college. The check and balance never means that parents put their eyes on you for 24 hours a day but it means they develop you in such a way that you feel responsible and be mindful that you will not going to cheat with parents and not involve yourself in any bad habits.

One of the best way f upbringing a child i learned from my parents is that never fulfill all desires / demands of a child which makes him / her very possessive and child want everything according to the desire / demand or in other words habitually the child never get agree in any compromise in life if parents are fulfilling all the desires. I remember that i got crazy for a remote car which i saw in the Anarkali Bazar (Market) of Lahore in my childhood and started crying that at any cost i need it. But my parents took me back to home without fulfilling that desire and after one week o so (may be), my father gifted me the same car. It developed a habit of wait and compromise in myself.

They developed a sense that what is wrong and what is a rightful thing and how i have to save myself from bad class-fellows having bad habits in the school. They regularly coordinated with the teacher of the class that whom i am sitting with and what are his habits. Parents never let me play with the kids of streets / neighborhood but only in our own premises because their habits were again worst due to the abusive language they use with their own parents or house members. Whenever i went to my friends home, my father dropped me at their residence and picked me up by maintaining a strong check.

One of the best sentence i remember my parents made and it is now part of my life

“Son! give honor to each and every human being either he is your worst enemy. It is your duty to respect him / her even if you don’t like him and respect all elders and those who are younger than you”

My parents developed a habit that when ever you eat lunch in school then share it with your class-fellows to develop a strong habit of sharing. When ever they took me to markets and saw any beggar / needy, they asked me to go and serve him with money or food now i unable to stop my self when ever i saw any needy person and tries to help him / her in what ever the capacity i have. If i ever tried to say any thing in a way that is considered as unethical in front of any one either i was in angry mood or not they immediately shut/stopped me from crossing the lines. It developed a strong control in myself.

Parents trained me that how i have to live in any circumstances either those circumstances are in my favor or not. I don’t feel shy in sleeping on the floor with mattress or not or on a luxury bed. I am ready to travel in public transport like ordinary people travel or in a luxury car. It means i am being prepared by parents to fully turn myself according to the situation. I wrote before a story of my school friend who was not ready to travel through public transport and had considered it as not according to his high class. Its a duty of parents to prepare you for all ups and downs coming in the life that you will not feel alien to the situation.

They gave me monthly pocket especially given by my grandmother (Taj Sultana) and develop me that how i have to save and spend, how you have to deal with the time when you have the less money. I don’t feel shy sitting with either poor guy or rich and talk with them according to their structure.

I remember when i started a college and use to go for academy, my friend offered me to smoke but suddenly refused him by informing that neither my fore-fathers smoked nor i would do and i will maintain that record and i cant cheat my parents. It means that parents developed a strong will / habit in myself to become wall against any bad offer by anyone and how to deal with the situation.

My parents use to took me to all family gatherings and i found out that it helped me in maintaining strong ties with the family members. Now, my father is not alive but all family members know me and i know them and do not feel shy in meeting them or by participating in any family gatherings. On the other hand, currently neither young ones of new generation bother to go in any family events nor parents take them and now i see a wide gap where family members and young ones especially teens don’t know each other because they hardly met.

Th moral of all above examples from my training by my own parents is that its a responsibility of parents that how they develop a child and how they stop him / her from developing worst / bad habits. How they inculcate best habits and make it permanent by maintaining strong check and balance at each second of life especially in the teen age.

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About ***** Azfar Abbas *****

My name is Azfar Abbas I am an MPA, a Development Sector Consultant & Operations Management Specialist. Worked with the IBRD (The World Bank), PIFD and international organizations. A Lahoree by birth, Taurian by Star, music freak, a writter, singer and a food lover from Lahore, Pakistan
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